New Cable TV Vegetarian Diet

I am starting a new vegetarian diet.

It is based on the observation that TV turns kids into vegetables.

Anyway, I called up the local cattleman's association and asked them to start piping cable tv into the stockyards.

Piping cable into the stockyards will turn the cows into vegetables. That way I could become a vegetarian without changing what I eat.

Lawyers and Drug Testing

I owe Evil Esquire a big apology. They had a poll question about drug testing and lawyers. Apparently, they wanted to know if lawyers should be subjected to random drug tests like so many other workers in our society.

I misread the question and answered:

"Yes, I think lawyers should be used for drug testing.

The genetic make up of lawyers is remarkably similar to that of humans.

By testing potentially dangerous drugs on lawyers, pharmaceutical companies can avoid the ethical questions involved in testing drugs on people, while avoiding the bad publicity involved with testing drugs on adorable furry animals.

An added benenfit of testing deadly drugs on lawyers is that the process thins their ranks to the benefit of society.

On rereading the question, I realized that my answer was inapropriate, despite the fact that testing potentially harmful drugs on lawyers is a pretty good idea.

National Hunting and Fishing Day

Today is National Hunting and Fishing Day. It is a day in which we celebrate and engage in the cultural activities of hunting and fishing.

After a great deal of thought, and carefully planned experimentation, I have decided to come out in opposition to very concept behind this event.

While Hunting and Fishing Day seems like great excuse to go out into the woods and drink beer, I am now of the opinion that combining fishing and hunting on the same trip will lead to a tragic end.

First off, it is really hard to shoot a fish. The surface of the water refracts light. The fish wiggles, and the water seems to change the trajectory of the bullet. If, by some miracle, you hit a fish; it is really hard to get a shot fish out of the water.

On the big game side of the equation: I had a bear of a time figuring out the right bait for moose. When I finally hooked one, I found that reeling it in was a bigger challenge than I was ready to handle. Moose are big and they anchor in with those four massive hooves. I mean, a wild moose is like solid muscle. I declare, if I hadn't tied myself to a tree; it would have reeled me in.

I think that combining fishing and hunting is a big mistake. I am now inclined to either fish or hunt. No more of this fishing and hunting stuff for me. It is just too confusing. You get back to camp and end up gutting the rabbit and skinning the trout.

I know folk like trying to multitask these days, however, I strongly advise the public against creative ideas that combine the sports.

Throwing a fishing net at a grizzly just makes it mad. Thank God for trees, especially the tall sturdy type.

And, if you do find yourself standing on an inflatable raft in the middle lake blasting at fish with a shot gun, well, it is extremely likely that you will pop the boat and have to swim to shore, spilling the beer, ruining your gun and your portable TV.

Tired of Politics

I am tired of all of the negativity in politics. For example, Obama said that people will vote for McCain because he looks more like the people on American currency than Obama.

It took me a moment to figure out what Obama was saying.

Then I realized that all of the people depicted on American currency were dead.

Judging from looks, McCain appears closer to being dead than Obama.

Anyway, I was shocked by Obama's blatant use of agism.

Speaking of negativity and naysayers ...

I had a plan to solve the energy crisis.

My plan was to turn zucchini into bio-diesel.

Zucchini seems to grow like a weed and seems to be able to grow in all sorts of different climates.

When I wrote up my proposal, the powers that be just said no. It seems that there are environmentalists who are ideologically opposed to zucclear energy.

They wouldn't even let me try my idea. Something about a zucclear test ban.

Others claimed my "bio-diesel from zucchini" plan was just a ruse in a fiendish plot to raise weapons grade zucchinis.

They pointed to the people who seem to plant a few zucchinis every year then dump bussels of zucchinis on the neighbors. They said that before anyone else plants zucchini, I had to solve the zucclear waste issue.


While politics gets more bitter, all of my good ideas get passed by.

Cats and Dogs

Perhaps Michelle Obama is right. Perhaps we are becoming a mean base nation.

I was on a walk with Coco up Neff Canyon when we came across a big old yellow cat in the middle of the trail.

Since I had my camera with me, I decided to unleash Coco to see what she would do.

The yellow cat was pretty big; So, I figured it could take care of itself.

While processing the pictures for my web site it dawned on me. I had just unleashed a dog on a cat for the express purpose of taking a photo for my web site.

I wonder if this is how Michael Vicks got started?

The cat wasn't moving after Coco had her way with it. I examined the yellow cat. It obviously belonged to someone who had spent time taking care of it.

I am a bit ashamed of my actions. But, I figure the damage is done; So, is the picture: Coco Confronts a Cat.

Governor Cyborg

Governor Jon Huntsman was in the parade; so I took his picture. When labeling the picture, I noticed something odd. The governor is waving with his left hand, and there is something keeping his right arm immobile in some sort of black device.

This made me think that perhaps the governor had been in an accident. So I googled "Governor Huntsman Arm" and it brought up this press release. It didn't say anything about an accident, but it talked about research projects Huntsman has helped along:

It also led to critically important research in cancer treatment, diabetes, genetics, as well as the robotic arm just to name a few.

Huntsman had been involved in the development of a robotic arm. My undoctored photo shows Huntsman with his arm in something.

Could it be that Huntsman is turning himself into a cyborg?

Since we are back into an age of conspiracy theories, I am left wondering if maybe Huntsman becoming a cyborg isn't part of a larger Republican conspiracy to turn all the governors into cyborgs. The Dick Cheney I read about on lefty blogs is the type of person who would engage in such a conspiracy.

Anyway, if looking at the first entry on a google search followed by linking together two disparate facts qualifies as research (which it just might these days) then I just may have stumbled on to something.

aiPhone

So, did you join the rush and buy an iPhone this week?

Personally, I am waiting for the aiPhone.

In addition to voice, music and video, the aiPhone includes an advanced form of artificial intelligence that has an IQ slightly higher than then average college graduate.

Of course, with the aiPhone, it is not so much a question of you buying the aiPhone, as the aiPhone buying you.

Making a Living Blogging

Newspapergrl laments about the difficulties of trying to make a living blogging. I too once shared the illusions that blogging was a job you could do with a fancy new computer while visiting exotic resorts, that it was a chance to meet exciting people, that it was something you could do in the buff.

...

I can still hear the little girl exclaiming: "Look ma! There is a naked man with a computer."

... then there was the exciting meeting with the security guards at the resort ...

... the meeting with the police ...

... the meeting with the judge ...

... then they took my computer ...

As I said in a previous post: "Don't Quit The Day Job. It is all an illusion."

sigh.

BTW, if you are wondering, yes, the character actor who did this commercial spent a week studying my fashion sense before filming.

Slippery When Wet

I think the Colts should take on a new motto: "Slippery When Wet."

Of course the real meat of the Super Bowl is all of the right wing conspiracies that took place. There is already good coverage of the hidden messages in the prudential ad. The ad keeps repeating the words "A Rock." But we all know that the ad really is some sort of right wing conspiracy thing about Iraq!!!!!!!!!

Did anyone else notice that the game began with a 92 yard touchdown. When Devin Hester was asked about the play he said "I caught the ball, then I ran!" Does anyone else see the pattern?

The right wing government is trying to hypnotize us through the Superbowl!!!!!

BTW, did you notice that the CareerBuilder ads jumped from an office full of monkeys to an office jungle without any interim steps. These people clearly are in the pockets of the Intelligent Design crowd who want to remove science from the school. They even used the sacred phrase "survival of the fittest" in the Office Fight video specifically to denegrate Darwin.

The other thing that has me worried is the fact that it rained through the whole game. Readers of the progressive left press will remember that, just about two years ago, George Bush and his brother conspired together and threw a hurricane at New Orleans because they hate black people. So, I am wondering why George Bush decided to make it rain on the Superbowl. Was he trying to dampen progressive unity?

We need a Democratic President so that future superbowls will be sunny!

Cartoon Characters

I guess the big cultural news of the day is that a bunch of marketing wanks from TBS brought Boston to a crawl with an army of electronic cartoon characters flipping us off. This bird flipping cartoon character stunt will be recorded in academic history as one of the highlights of the new progressive movement. The unbridled success of this campaign pretty much guarantees that it will be emulated in years to come.

While browsing local web sites today, I came across several blogs promoting an article on scienceblog called pharyngula. Progressive blogs are describing the post with superlatives like the “best blog post ever written.” Having come across three sites calling this the best blog post ever written, I decided that I had to read it.

The post was a big disappointment. The author talks a little bit about his feelings while examining a fossil collection, then launches into a politically correct attack of the Bible and Christianity.

I have read a ton of good science writing. This article is not good science.

The piece is really nothing more than an example of the straw man fallacy. The writer pretends that Christians are two dimensional characters, then ridicules them for being two dimensional characters.

The author makes the one good point. You will not find any useful scientific information in the Bible. Of course, that is not what the Bible is about. I’ve found no useful scientific information in the Harry Potter series, nor have I found decent scientific information reading blogs. You won't find good science on the Cartoon network. That's because these things are not about science.

I’ve known many good Christian thinkers. They use the Bible as a link to a long standing and proven moral tradition. I would even agree with the statement that students should not spend too much time reading the Bible, because there are better sources for the technical information that we need in life.

Quite frankly, I did not find the essay that original. I wrote several essays similar to that in College. If you have a progressive professor, you can get an easy A by scribbing out a quick essay on the joys of science followed by an attack on Christianity. Progressive educators routinely reward students who write essays that attack traditional western values.

The real question in my mind is why so many people linked to this article claiming that it is the best blog post that they ever read?

As far as I can tell, this essay simply continues a tradition of hatemongering wanks trying to use pseudo-science to justify their hatred.

If you dig into the history of science literature, you will find similar wanks using the same formula to justify hatred of blacks, the hatred of Jews, or hatred of any number of groups.

Good science writing rarely has the objective of attacking any group or culture.

Come to think of it, really good science is quite boring. Good science often comes in the form of a large table of numbers followed by equations.

Good science does not put up then attack straw men. This is the type of game that crappy essayists pull.

Yes, progressive love pushing a stereotype that Christians are laughable two dimensional characters. When you really dig through western history, you will find that the Christian tradition has produced many of the most interesting multidimensional creatures that have ever walked on the planet. Yes, the character list includes many intolerant jerks. It also includes many open minded, generous people.

One of the most common character in Western history is the Machiavellian prince. These are people who pretend to be religious to gain power, but are not.

Close minded jerks and duplicitous characters exist in every society, including the scientific community. You will find a large number of people claiming their ideas to be "scientific" when they are just fluff.

Every culture has its jerks. An accurate scientific analysis of a culture shouldn’t begin with the jerks. It should look at what the culture does. The western tradition, which is largely Christian, produced many of the greatest advances in civilizations because Christianity provides a multidimensional framework that allows for advances on multiple cultural fronts.

The progressive movement has produced two great cultures: Communism and Fascism ... neither of which I would care to repeat.

Anyway, to get the post back on track: We began by looking at an extremely successful ad campaign by Turner Broadcasting System in which cartoon characters gave the bird to the people of Boston.

Next we looked at an article on scienceblog.com that got a large number of inbound links from progressive sites as it uses the straw man fallacy to inspire politically correct intolerance.

Now, lets hit the real reason for today’s blog post: The biggest danger of the straw man fallacy is that straw man fallacies often result in self-fulfilling prophecies. When you create prejudicial stereotypes, you will find that there is a large number of people willing to play your stereotypical role.

So, I want to end this post on cartoon characters with a link to a free song by Spaff (warning explicit lyrics) called Super Televangelistic Sex-and-Drugs Psychosis. This little ditty is about the cartoon characters who march in front of congregations to play the televangelist stereotype, then get caught with their pants down.

If you want to show your support for the bird flipping cartoon stunt. You can buy episodes of the program on itunes. The button below brings you to their iTunes page:

Hmmm, I think I might get “You Can Call Me Al” () from Paul Simon's Graceland. I agree with Al. I don't want to end up a cartoon character in a cartoon graveyard.

Why are we letting our cultural elite do this to us?