Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Black Friday IS RACIST

The term "Black Friday" was the creation of evil profit minded businesses and has gained a place in our lexicon by being repeated by evil doers like George W. Bush (all progressive articles need at least one jab at the former president to re-inforce political themes).

Anyway, "Black Friday" is a racist term and, like the term "Christmas," it should be struck from the progressive vocabulary.

Evil profit-minded businesses hire a class of ne'er-do-wells called accountants. These petty minded people toil away in dark places keeping the books for businesses (drooling in the process).

These evil people use red pens to signify losses, and black pens to signify profit (profits gained on the backs of persecuted workers, I might add).

The term Black Friday came into existence because many retailers would struggle through the year in the red and not see any black ledgers until the day after Thanksgiving.

Were sales to be bad, they would see only red for the year.

Don't you see the innate racism in all of this????????????

These horrible profit-minded businesses switch from using red pens to black pens in a symbolic hatred of Native Americans!!!!!!!!!

The regressive education system of old used similar racist tactics to oppress children. If Johnny wrote on his 'rithmatic lesson "2 + 2 = 5," the reactionary teacher would mark the paper with red pencil to punish the student for deviating from social norms. Associating bad math with the white hatred of Native Americans would stigmatize the child and create an anal rententive society where clerks at the Tasty Freeze could make correct change.

Progressive schools realized the self-esteem destroying tactics of the oppressive past. The modern-enlightend educator now simply awards Johnny for creative thinking.

The progressive accountant of the future will no longer celebrate a company's transition from red into black by changing pens, but will openly stand forth and question the fairness of a system where sometimes employers have years with profit.

With a glorious new leader in place and a Congress committed to progressive change, we can take great pride that fewer and fewer American companies are taking part racist tradition of switching red pens for black pens.

We, as a nation, should applaud our glorious leader who loves small business, and who has implement policies to help small businesses become even smaller!!!!

So class, we can conclude today's lesson by stating that evil profit-minded businesses are racist for using different colors of ink in their ledgers and that progressive wonderfulness will ensue when our glorious leaders raise taxes and health care expenses to the point that no businesses engage in the inherently racist act making a profit.

Praise be the one.

PS: If you are wondering, my web empire pulled in fifty cents on Black Friday. It was not enough to join my fellow profit-mongers in the ritual of changing the color of the pen, but it was sufficient for me to rub my hands together and think greedy thoughts. On Cyber Monday, I pulled in an astounding $30 ... not enough to go black, but we can't all be evil.


Anonymous said...

Black Friday means "In the Black", instead of "In the Red."

This is stupid.

y-intercept said...

All parody is stupid. That is the nature of parody.

Yes, in the black means you made a profit and in the red means you didn't. On Black Friday companies hope to go into the black, staying in the red is bad.

In the silly debate about whether or not Black Friday is racist, I thought I would agree with the statement that black friday is racist, but that it must be racist toward red people, not black people.

This is like the 100th dismissive comment from a progressive who did not read the post being dismissed. I wonder if progressive ever actually read anything, or if they just have a really low reading comprehension level.

I do agree that parody is a low and stupid form of discourse, but it is so common, I figure I should dabble in it from time to time. The thing about Colbert style comedy is that it's really easy to write. The post took five to type out. A well reasoned article could take a painstaking month to write.