One for the Birds

This thing where geese are taking down jetliners in New York has me livid.

I want to know the species of geese. If it was a flock of Canadian geese; then we have no choice but to invade our neighbors to the north.

In what will probably be the last great controversy of the Bush Administration, intelligence agents were found grilling geese in Central Park.

Adding to the flames, the agents were using the controversial brandy-boarding technique. With branding-boarding, one douses the goose in a marinade of soy sauce, lemon zest, with a garlic clove and a jigger of brandy. The agents tenderize the subject on a wooden board before tossing it on the grill.

Opponents to brandy boarding say that one gets absolutely no useful intelligence information from the technique. In a talking points memo, Bill O'Reilly, a leading advocate of brandy boarding, says the practice enhances flavor.

Fortunately, there were no human fatalities during the crash, although passenger Melanie Daniels, who was jet setting off to Bodega Bay, says the incident with The Birds shook her self confidence.

The Mainstream Media is full of human interest stories of this spectacular event. In the typical one-sided reporting of the MSM, there are no serious journalists giving the bird's view of things.

While Captain Chesley Sullenberger, pilot of US Airways Flight 1549, is praised by bipeds as a hero, opinion among the bird community is mixed. Honkers, a spokesbird for the Yonkers goose community is quoted as saying "I don't see what's all so special about landing on water. I landed on pond several times this morning. No-one made a deal about it." Buzzards Breath, a member of the NYC Aviary said: "I've been circling around just waiting for something like this to happen." Peter the penguin, who is skeptical of this whole flight thing, said: "If we were meant to fly, God would have given us wings … that worked."