National Hunting and Fishing Day

Today is National Hunting and Fishing Day. It is a day in which we celebrate and engage in the cultural activities of hunting and fishing.

After a great deal of thought, and carefully planned experimentation, I have decided to come out in opposition to very concept behind this event.

While Hunting and Fishing Day seems like great excuse to go out into the woods and drink beer, I am now of the opinion that combining fishing and hunting on the same trip will lead to a tragic end.

First off, it is really hard to shoot a fish. The surface of the water refracts light. The fish wiggles, and the water seems to change the trajectory of the bullet. If, by some miracle, you hit a fish; it is really hard to get a shot fish out of the water.

On the big game side of the equation: I had a bear of a time figuring out the right bait for moose. When I finally hooked one, I found that reeling it in was a bigger challenge than I was ready to handle. Moose are big and they anchor in with those four massive hooves. I mean, a wild moose is like solid muscle. I declare, if I hadn't tied myself to a tree; it would have reeled me in.

I think that combining fishing and hunting is a big mistake. I am now inclined to either fish or hunt. No more of this fishing and hunting stuff for me. It is just too confusing. You get back to camp and end up gutting the rabbit and skinning the trout.

I know folk like trying to multitask these days, however, I strongly advise the public against creative ideas that combine the sports.

Throwing a fishing net at a grizzly just makes it mad. Thank God for trees, especially the tall sturdy type.

And, if you do find yourself standing on an inflatable raft in the middle lake blasting at fish with a shot gun, well, it is extremely likely that you will pop the boat and have to swim to shore, spilling the beer, ruining your gun and your portable TV.