Halloween Candy

Among my various failed crass commercial...I decided that for Halloween my goal was to suggest that people buy and dispense expensive natural candies for trick or treaters in lieue of the cheap sugar bombs that usually fill Halloween baskets. So, I made a Halloween page that featured MotherNature.com prominently...they sell bulk natural candy.

For three years straight the page failed to make a single sale. Well, other than the sales to myself.

The poor kids, they hate knocking at my door...they either get fruit leather, gummy bears (au natural) or Fig Newmans (yuck!). Actually what happens is I get greedy and decide to keep the expensive natural snacks for myself, then give the kids garbage from the candy aisle of the local store.

I toned down the health food message...but I wish people would use Halloween to support their local health food store.

Anyway, I just looked at my web stats. I noticed a large number of people coming into my site looking for mother nature costumes. That's odd. Everyone knows that mother nature runs around naked (I dream about her all the time.) Why would you need a costume. It's more like absense of a costume...uh, errr, um?

Actually, the whole idea of buying Halloween costumes seem strange to me. It seems to me that a costume is more of a process than a product and that the best costumes occur when you march into the thrift store and define your own process. In the case of mother nature, you would want to supplement the trip to the thrift store with one to the garden. A good mother nature costume would include a garland of leaves for the hair...and a few plants and flowers. (knowing the name of the plants and flowers would help. NOTE, if you choose to wear shrubbery, you will probably get undo attention from dork in the data department dressed as a Knight that Says Ne. Of course he would be deathly afraid of the word IT ... The word IT reminds him that he is really a data dink living in the office basement. The only product that mother nature would require would be a hand buzzer—She is electrifying, you know.

For that matter, if you are wanting to show the dark side of nature. I think dressing up as Hurricane Ivan would be appropriate this year. For that you would need a large dark grey sheet and a spray bottle filled with water. The hardest part of the costume would be to fill a bag will aluminum scraps that look like they came from a trailer park. If you are really mean, you might do and internet search for "redneck photo" and include them in your bag of trailer park pieces. You would then spend the party wandering around the party showing people what you picked up on your journey through the states...and threaten to douse people with your spray bottle. Since Hurricane Ivan visited Cuba...cigars would be appropriate. Hmmm, the hand buzzer would work for this costume too.